Car Addicts and Their Drugs of Choice

"Patrick Nichols" (pnichols)
07/23/2015 at 15:20 • Filed to: OPPOSITETOKE, drugs, smoke, addiction

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What Do I Mean?

The terms car-guy, gear-head, and enthusiast get thrown around about as loosely as the words drug addict, hop head, or fiend. Now the initiated, to either class of people, know that there are groups among us and we’re all very different.

Personally, I think I can classify us fairly well in very vague assumptions and find our analagous group of drug users with similar behaviors and effects on society. Think of it as a ____ are to car enthusiasts as ____ are to drug users. I’ll start off slow and then get into the serious stuff, before finishing off with what I think us Jalops are. So without further explanation, I’ll attempt to not offend anyone (and fail).

*Dons Flamesuit*

Bro Trucks — Cigarette Smokers

Obvious answer is obvious. They smell. Rolling coal is almost always for appearance. The effect is almost always minimal, no one gets high off tobacco just like no one enjoys their bro truck off road.

Donk — E-Cig Users

Still gross and ugly. Less harmful to everyone else. Probably not a great choice in the long run.

#Hellaflush #Stanced Crowd — Molly/Ecstasy BroDudes

Pretty simple. Relatively harmless to the rest of us. Almost always listening to EDM. Now get off our lawn. *Shakes Fist*

Ricers/Street Racers — Crackheads

They’ve likely wasted a lot of their money on their habit. They can be dangerous to the rest of us. Everyone seems to wonder why...

AutoX/LeMons/Real Racing — Coke Heads

Costs more money. The addict is less likely to harm anyone else. Why? Because race car.

Car Thieves — Prescription Opiate Addicts

They’re taking it from someone else and are probably likely to end up dead in a ditch somewhere.

Motorcycle Riders — Heroin Addicts

Sounds inexpensive at first. Very addicting. High chance of ending up in the hospital. A select few make the world more dangerous.

Subaru/Jeep Owners — PCP Users

Think they can do anything. Probably can’t. Will still brag about it afterwards.

Top Fuel Dragsters — Meth Heads

Because Florida. No, sorry, because these are the type of people that need just a little bit more than reasonable for brief periods of time. Loud and disruptive to those that are close enough too them. Lastly, because you can blow a fuck ton of money and potentially kill yourself.

Jalops — Pot Heads

[Thanks Nibbly]

So you’ve made it this far and realize you probably aren’t any of these. You’re a pothead. Some do it for therapy, others do it for fun. We’re all pretty friendly. Don’t cause too much damage to the world, but are largely misunderstood.

[Thanks V8 Saver]

They probably shouldn’t smoke at gas stations though.

[Thanks Scoob]

TL;DR : Doug smokes cigs (in his Hummer), Tom pops molly (in his GTI), some of the staff is probably hiding PCP/heroin/coke addictions, and everyone is baked 24/7.

Now rip me to shreads. I’m ready.

DISCUSSION (35)

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 15:25

Brodozer drivers probably dip snuff.

The donk drivers smoke cigarettes, but only Newports.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 15:26

i’m a Jalop and a Subaru owner. I’ve never done PCP.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > OPPOsaurus WRX
07/23/2015 at 15:27

Maybe it’s a sign.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > OPPOsaurus WRX
07/23/2015 at 15:30

I’m a Jalop, racer, Subaru owner, motorcycle rider, and when I was in high school may have been dumb enough to do some street racing.... Am I Keith Richards?

Patrick Nichols > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
07/23/2015 at 15:31

It’s not about what drugs they use it’s an analogy like if I were to say:

Superman is to Spiderman as Lois Lane is to Mary Jane

It does not mean Spiderman is Superman

allthenamesaretaken > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 15:35

I am a Jalop and a Subaru owner as well. Had me up in Debo chicken coop sweatin like a slave

Kinja'd!!!

Patrick Nichols > OPPOsaurus WRX
07/23/2015 at 15:37

But you’ve probably felt misunderstood and if it hasn’t happened yet you will get stuck subaruing

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 15:45

Prius drivers- LSD, because let’s face it they’re all aging flower children anyways.

Patrick Nichols > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
07/23/2015 at 15:50

That or they drank the Green Party’s kool-aid...

WAKE UP SHEEPLE /s /kinda

Tohru > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 15:54

Kinja'd!!!

Patrick Nichols > Tohru
07/23/2015 at 15:57

Might add some rufilin and molly to that list

Takuro Spirit > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 16:01

OH GOD CAMRY DRIVERS ARE DRUG FREE

Patrick Nichols > Takuro Spirit
07/23/2015 at 16:01

I didn’t mention bath salts did I?

Takuro Spirit > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 16:03

WE CANT EVEN DO THAT WITHOUT BEING BORING

Kinja'd!!!

Baeromez > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 16:07

LSD

Kinja'd!!!

Patrick Nichols > Baeromez
07/23/2015 at 16:11

I might put the 90s muscle cars in the Steroid era

Edit: Probably more like creatine, all show no go.

ceanderson920 > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
07/23/2015 at 16:12

You forgot about Blunts for the donk drivers

Baeromez > Patrick Nichols
07/23/2015 at 16:17

Lol, what are you high? These were some of the fastest cars made in the 90’s. LSD ‘cause its all about massive enjoyment of life and breaking preconceptions. Try driving a car like this and not grinning like a fool.

Patrick Nichols > Baeromez
07/23/2015 at 16:21

you might be right I’ll revert to my original assessment. I’ll give 80s muscle cars the creatine title.

Baeromez > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
07/23/2015 at 16:21

Kinja'd!!!